Jingle Bell Flop

Today, we finally realized a Christmas 'dream' of mine. We went to one of Germany's famed Christmas Markets. Did you know such things existed? Well, they do, and they're hugely popular. People actually do 'German Christmas Market Vacations' for no other reason than to travel to the land of beer steins and sauerkraut for their winter wonderlands. We've lived in Holland for X number of Christmases now, and have never once ventured over the border for this annual treat, so decided to put an end to this nonsense and go experience the magic.

What a load of crap.

Ok, I don't mean to sound all Scrooge-like, but this market experience was a complete Bah-Humbug. I even took advice from a number of people as to which one to go to, and thought we were definitely in for a special treat. Ho Ho NO we weren't.

I should explain that for the past 12 years, I've made it an annual tradition to buy one very nice Christmas 'something' (tree ornament, house decoration, whatever) that was special and just a breath out of our normal price range. The intention was to slowly build up a collection that wouldn't break our bank account, but eventually result in a beautiful house at Christmas. This year, I decided I wanted a wooden Advent calendar; sort of like an old-fashioned doll house with the bizillions of doors and drawers to open. Germany is part of an area of Europe known for exquisite woodwork, so I was certain I would be spoiled for choice.

Not a single one to be found. Not even anything close. Despite walking past well over a hundred stalls, there wasn't anything I was tempted to buy. I couldn't figure out exactly what felt 'wrong' about the market until Husband Dear said 'It's all a bit cheap trinket-y, isn't it?' Yup, perfect description. Everything about it looked like an American amusement park that wanted to have a 'German' themed area to it, so put up tacky, stereotypical, this-is-what-we-think-Germany-must-be crap. And there it was .... in Germany! I'm now very confused about what's authentic and what's uninformed guessing. It hurts my brain.

On the plus side, even though we didn't spend a thing on Christmas decorations, we dropped a decent chunk of cash on wonderful, overpriced junk food. Yummy! I wish I'd gotten a picture of Husband Dear's foot-and-a-half long bratwurst in a burger bun (seriously, there were 4 inches of wurst in the bread, and the other 14 sticking out either end ... hilarious), but I wasn't quick enough. I did however get the following two pictures:

1.) My two boys eating what is essentially hash browns dunked in applesauce. Yep, that's what I said, applesauce. Potatoes and onions fried in oil, then dunked in fruit. OMG it was Heavenly! I know it sounds weird, but all you Americans out there, start dipping your tater tots in applesauce. You'll love it! And ironically enough, this is exactly what LC ate for three days straight the last time we took him to Germany, it was just served in separate bowls and we didn't get around to dunking.

















2.) This is one of Daddy Big Chief's dreams come true. A long long time ago, in a London pub far far away, there was once a handful of smelly boys who dreamed of baked potatoes being battered and fried. And here he is in Germany, oh so many years later, eating just that. Mashed potatoes formed back to half-potato shape, stuffed with filling of your choice, covered by the other half of mashed potatoes, lightly floured, then deep fried and served with sauerkraut. Mmmmmm, Fried Carbohydrate Fantasy. And once again .... this was Heavenly too! It was filling but not at all greasy, and (are you ready for this colossal shock?) I really enjoyed the sauerkraut too. Unbelievable!













Throughout all this nonsense, LC was absolutely angelic. No seriously, I mean it. He was confined two hours in the car (each direction), then forced to walk through a couple miles of suffocatingly crowded streets with people towering over him, he never once ran off from us, never once caused problems touching the market displays, didn't throw a single tantrum, and generally just put up with being dragged around for hours on end doing nothing that a 3-year old would find interesting. Honestly, if there had been a decent toy that didn't look like a piece of rip-off tourist trash, we would have bought it for him. Instead, we let him run off steam when he wanted to act like a 3-year old. He most definitely earned that right today.

















Good food and a well-behaved child ... I suppose this day wasn't a complete waste after all.