Sugar and Spice

I cannot believe that more than 7 weeks have passed since The Cat arrived on the scene and I haven't yet posted all the glorious facts and figures about her. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, though, as her life has also missed out on both the uber-detailed pregnancy journal I kept with Little Cub and the hours of video footage already taken by the time her brother was this age. Seems it really is true that the second child gets screwed out of all the good stuff.

So where to start? I suppose I should answer the biggest question, 'Is she different from her brother?' Ho. Ly. Cow. You have no idea. As I told a girlfriend recently, 'The Cat is soooooo chilled. Little Cub came into the world like a hurricane and smacked the crap out of us. She's our reward for not killing him.'

Honestly, for the first 4-5 weeks, I don't think anyone would have known there was a baby in this house. Other than with normal baby stomach cramps, she almost never cried. And she slept virtually 24/7. That sounds problematic, but (without going into boring details) she's perfectly fine, just incredibly content and likes her sleep. Even now, when she's much more prone to crying than the first month, even THAT is ridiculously low on the Crying Baby spectrum. I don't think we've had to do the pace-around-the-room-at-3am-desperately-trying-to-soothe-a-screaming-baby thing more than ..... three times, maybe? And even those times never lasted more than ..... 30 minutes? And even THEN it wasn't that she was crying for 30 minutes, only that it took her 30 minutes to fall asleep. Exactly twice I've had to drag her Moses basket tight up against our bed so that I could rest my hand on her stomach just as reassurance, and she's fallen asleep peacefully after only 3-4 minutes. That's it. Different from her brother? Night and day.

I never really believed 'the books' that said babies can be calmed if you run through the usual checklist and address all their needs. Little Cub was NOT like that. He could have been fed, dry, comfortable, well-rested, and held, and he could STILL scream the house down out of sheer frustration. His sister? The checklist applies. Hungry, burp, diaper, sleep. It's one of those four, and once we find the right one, she's a happy camper.

Well, ok, she much prefers being held to being set down, but even then, the protesting is nothing compared to what we experienced 5 years ago. Sometimes we look at her crying and say 'Seriously, is that all you've got? You're going to have to step up your game if you want our attention, baby girl. Your brother hardened our hearts to anything less than the worst imaginable....you have the right to take up the issue with him later in Life.'

Now for the nitty gritty .... she was born 3710g (approx 8lbs20z) and approx 20.5" in length. At her appt this week (7 weeks) she was 5570g (approx 12lbs3oz) and approx 23.5" in length. Got Milk? I obviously do! Bearing mind in it took a week for her to get back up to birth weight, that means that in a mere 6 weeks she's gained 50% her original body weight and increased her length 10%. Figure out half of your weight and 10% of your height then YOU try to gain that in a mere six weeks. Her brother was the same, going from 'Ridiculously Big' to 'You're Freakin Kidding Me' in that timeframe. What can I say? We don't breed them small on the DutchMac Farm. LC was always too active to ever develop rolls of fat anywhere, but his calm sister has minor ones on her legs. And as dear friend Aunt Liberty Bell says 'Enjoy it now, because this is the only time in a woman's life when fat thighs are considered cute.'

As for us as a whole, Life with a newborn is really, really, surprisingly, refreshingly, thankfully easy. That's not to say I'm not feeling the sleep-deprivation of a max 3hours sleep at any one time since April 27th, or that I didn't struggle when Big Chief was out of the country for a week, but compared to what 'normally' happens with a newborn, we're living a charmed life. Yes, my house is a mess, yes I'm desperate for more sleep, yes we're dealing with an attention-seeking first child, yes I'm struggling to fit into clothes, and yes I'm feeling incredibly unattractive BUT it seems easy to experience all those feelings, if that makes sense.

Can I be honest for a moment about the feeling that is NOT easy to experience, though? Mommy Guilt. It sucks. And I think I've figured out it can't actually be avoided, no matter what you do. With Little Cub I was detached. I saw him as a project. Now you eat, now you sleep, now I clean the house, etc. I had no emotion towards him. I didn't even kiss him for the first week, and even then I only did it because I saw Big Chief kiss him and thought I should probably do that too. I was horrified to realize I hadn't chosen not to kiss him, but worse, it hadn't ever even occurred to me to do it. I was an absolute Nazi about his schedule, it didn't bother me to let him cry himself to sleep, and when people commented on how fast the early months fly by I always thought 'Good! I hope this passes soon because it's awful!' I know now that I was just barely clinging on at the time, and needed to do whatever it took simply tosurvive, but it's not a nice thing to admit. I refuse to believe I'm the only mom to feel that way, though. I'm probably just one of the few with such a crap 'Edit' function that I'm willing to come out and say it.

See why my Mom of the Year nomination was revoked almost immediately?

As if it wasn't bad enough feeling guilt for experiencing all of those things then, I now have mountains of retro-active guilt because I don't feel any of those things towards The Cat, and I want to drop to my knees apologizing and begging forgiveness from Little Cub that I did it to him. Seriously, WTF is up with this?! Not only do I feel Mommy Guilt when I do things 'wrong', but now when I'm doing them 'right' I have to feel it, too??? Where's the justice in that?!

And before any of you say it, I know there's no right or wrong. I know I was a different person then. I know our lives were vastly different then. I know they're totally different babies. I know, I know, I know. Doesn't change the fact that I get all hormonal and upset when I see she's already grown out of a few outfits that she only got the chance to wear twice......it symbolizes how fast it's going by with her and I don't want it to. To the point I almost want to ask people NOT to buy her clothes simply so I don't have to experience that emotion as many times. Pathetic.

Anyway, MOVING ON ....... The second most common question I get is 'How is LC managing it all?' Un. Freakin. Believable. Amazing. Beyond all our hopes and expectations. This kid is in love with his little sister. He finds reasons to come out of bed just to sneak her more kisses. He begs me to wake her up so he can talk to her. He insists on being in whatever room she's in. He sits with me everytime I feed her. He's crushed on the nights Big Chief or I shower with her rather than letting the two kids bathe together. When we take her out of their shared bath after 5-10 minutes, he swears he's done as well and hops out of his own choice, despite the fact he could normally stay there a good half an hour. When she cries, he goes to her and tries to comfort her with some form of physical contact and whispers 'Its ok. You're ok, my darling. Don't cry, I'm here.' I asked him the other day why he always wants to be in the same room as her, and he just looked at me, slightly confused, and said simply 'Because I love her.' Awwwwwww!

I think the best way to sum up our experience with her so far is an observation dear friend Auntie Mad Hatter made. She said 'As strange as this may sound, it feels like she's always been here. Like she's never not been a part of your life.'

That's exactly it. The Cat has slotted in so smoothly and so effortlessly into our lives, it is like she has always existed for us. More than one girlfriend has commented in surprise at how much her face lights up and really focuses on us when we're in her view. They've said 'Oh my gosh, look at how her eyes just lock onto you! She is sooooo in love with you!' If I'm honest, I'll have to say that never occurred to me, and I'm really not sure I see what they're meaning now. Maybe I'm just accustomed to that being her face. But since I've heard it multiple times from multiple friends with kids of their own, I'll have to believe it.

She's here. She has seemingly always been here. And Life is good.