Opinions

Why is it that when you have kids, opinions seem to crawl out of the woodwork, from every conceivable crevice? Suddenly everyone in the world has thoughts and opinions as to how you could be doing your new job better. What's worse than all others thinking they have better opinions than you, is the fact that you tend to believe that, too. You start wondering if you really are the stupidest person on Earth, because clearly everyone else has it all figured out, and you're fumbling along messing up your kids in a thousand different ways from sunrise to sunset. So then you seek out advice from 'experts' and when you hear the same advice multiple times, your intelligent, rational, and logical side buys into that advice, convinced it must be right.

And still it bites you in the ass.

Those of you who have seen us in action know we are NOT pushover parents. We agree with the bizillion experts who say to ignore kids when they throw tantrums because the attention is what the kid wants, and they will 'quickly' learn that tantrums are pointless when they don't get them what they want. Having been born with a severe Patience Deficit, I cannot tolerate tantrums in any way, shape, or form. When LC starts whining or screaming, I'm outta there. Physically, mentally, emotionally, all of it. He gets nothing from me when he throws a fit. I honestly couldn't care less how much kicking, screaming, wailing, crying, and self-mutilation he does. If it's a tantrum, I'm not interested. The bizillion experts would be so proud.

Too bad none of them have never met our Little Cub.

I've mentioned before the sheer Hell that is dropping him off at pre-school three times a week (read the last third of this post for a refresher). Well, that's not inproved any. And tonight, when we were at dinner, we very calmly and respectfully informed him of a new change in rules that we will be implementing in the house. Because he's getting to be very big and smart now and can understand a lot more things than he could when he was a baby, he will now need to try at least a small bite of everything that's placed in front of him before he's allowed to leave the table. We know it's hard when rules change, and it can be a little scary at first, but he's really growing up to be so smart and strong, we know he can be a big enough boy to handle this.

His reaction can be summed up as follows: Mom, Dad, are you out of your frickin' minds?!

What he objected to tonight were two of his (usually) favorite things, chicken and pineapple. Tonight's twist was that it had Chinese sweet-and-sour sauce on them. The plain rice was fine. The food tinged with a hint of Death Sauce was not. I won't bore you with all the details, but we ended up with a child falling asleep and nearly off his chair FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER because he refused to do it. Big Chief and I had very much gotten on with the business of the rest of our eating, but there was no way LC was going to what we asked/insisted. He'd rather fall asleep at the table. Yes, we eventually got the two bites down him, so there was at least no horrible defeat on our part. But a three-year-old who chooses to fall asleep upright after being verbally-confined to his chair for nearly an hour simply because he's asked to eat something he likes anyway ......... we are in SO much trouble.

So to all you out there who look at other parents' kids and know you can (and do) raise yours better, do me a favor and shut up, even in your mind. I have been the person who looked at a mom in the mall thinking 'She should not be breeding' and I have also been the mom in the mall who other people have looked at and thought the same. None of us are above contempt on this matter, but we need to learn to get our opinions out of our system. There are times they don't amount to the proverbial hill of beans, and let's be honest .... we're probably failing our kids just as much as the person we're judging.

And if any of you are formulating ideas on how to tell me exactly how you know you can break LC of his iron will, you can also shut up (and I mean that in the most loving way possible). I'll listen to your wisdom after you've been his foster parent for three months and have lived with his stubborness yourself. Then we'll talk.